the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
