you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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