After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
