Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
