We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
