The maid of honor just puked.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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