I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
