I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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