Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
