Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
