How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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