hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
