either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
