Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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