Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
