you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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