Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
