Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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