I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
