i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
