You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
