So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Less talking, more tequila
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
