he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
