Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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