I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
