I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
