6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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