You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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