Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
