just come out here and I will go home with you...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
