and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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