Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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