My first STD was from a foam party
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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