i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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