"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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