Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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