Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
