I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
what is it with giant penises always finding me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
