see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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