he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
