and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
