I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
