Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
