Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
