dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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