i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
