Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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