It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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