guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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