So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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