nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
