are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
