Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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