Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
