matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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