Umm I'm too high to move.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
