There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
